how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
