i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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