we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize