he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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