New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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