I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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