shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
