jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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