Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
