also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
