Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
