It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
