you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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