I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
