So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
