I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Me too!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
