I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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