I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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