Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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