Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
