You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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