Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
