i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
