you guys were way drunker than both of me
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't deserve a penis
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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