not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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