I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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