every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i think im in europe. pls send help
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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