the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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