Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
