Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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