What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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