I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
ttyl tear gas
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i now understand why vodka
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
