i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Even my vagina gasped.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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