i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
