if only i could text you this smell
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
