dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
