He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
