Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
