ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Im part way to drunk.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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