Porn is love you can see.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
