The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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