she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
