I can tuck mytits in my pants
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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