im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
