I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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