How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
