i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
