My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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