the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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