you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
