U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
