it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
