3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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