so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize