You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
