after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
