I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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