Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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