You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
