is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
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