NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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