she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dick very happy bro
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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