I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize