Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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