You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize