He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
