You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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