why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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