he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
