please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
