So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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