I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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